Sunday 12 July 2015

Depression vs. You

Its a fine day, i see a lot of tragic news about suicide. Actually Young ones who didn't survive depression. Ever since the first time I heard something about depression, it has stayed on my mind. What is depression? Why does depression kills? And How does it kills? there were too many questions going on my mind because I was once a kid with a lot of curiosity. Little by little I have discovered things about depression, things somehow that complete the blanks on my thoughts about depression. Now I'm 21, I can say that I've already survived depression out of me, or  It isn't over yet. Somehow guys it isn't going to be over unless you are dead, already dead that you don't have to think of things. Usually problems, problems that will make you absolutely sad.

Here's a story of myself started to the very first time fight with my depression. Before when I was little, not that little as a toddler :) , I had my very first runaway with my father and he had beaten me up because I did a bad stuff that made him mad about (bad stuffs are secrets ha ha) so as a kid we don't think before doing anything, we just do it right away. I left home and went to a vacant lot without anyone to be seen around and started to cry. I said to myself "I want to die, I wish I was dead now, dad doesn't love me anymore! blah blah" (damn its 12 midnight, a 7 year old kid is still outside! ha ha that was me) so I don't have any idea that my dad was looking after me, after all what happened because i was a kid!. Then he found me, crying. My dad hugged me and said sorry, then we went home.(no to much dramas!) that's all.

The scenario about killing myself  happened again and again, until now that I'm a grown up. I've always cried, enough to let my sadness subside. And I kept on asking God, "why me?, so many people in the world, why me?" and I said to myself  "you're a one hell of shit! you're ugly! no one loves you! you're a one fucking shit that people says about!" (sorry for the word) before I was really hopeless and I started to learn to hurt myself, like a masochist that all I've been thinking of were all negatives. So after darkness, there will always be light. One day I had this very big problem and I really had the worst part of being on a depression, i jumped off a two-storey building because I'm really not aware of what is happening and I really thank god because I just got some fractures on my ankles its really ouchy I can't even stand, nothing that serious tho.(don't worry it take me three weeks until I'm fully okay to stand) after that I don't know but I think my alter ego helped me get through with this, I started to realize to love myself. I was enlightened by my own thoughts. I believe that god has a better plan for me.

I realize somehow to love yourself no matter what happen, what you are, what are you experiencing right now, what will they say to you and what problems will the time give to you just fight the negatives and be positive, don't lose hope in the midst of darkness of your life and give yourself a special treatment, believe in what yourself can do to make your life more spectacular that it will be when you kill yourself because in the bible its a sin, in others it's just a phenomenon. Think of other ways to love yourself, don't let depression win and let the light flows within you like what I've always doing when I'm depressed. We all know how hard life is but don't be a puppet of your own depression.

I want you to win the fight :) stay happy and positive.. if you have questions you're free to ask for some advice in life. let's win the fight, email me at lawrencenuevo@gmail.com .. thanks for reading let's help each other. and don't forget to smile always :) not as a crazy one but to smile that lasts forever.